John Travolta and his wife Kelly just lost their 16 year old son. I can only imagine the searing, intolerable pain they are going through right now. It brings back a lot of the same feelings I experienced when I lost the twins. When someone you love dies, the pain is so intense… unrelenting at first. It is very normal for your feelings of grief to emerge once again when you hear about someone else experiencing the death of a loved one.
I had a friend whose 18 year old son died in a car accident several months after the twins died. She was beside herself at the wake, unable to stand, and at one point, couldn’t bear to be in the room where the wake was taking place. Later, she said to me that she felt my loss was “worse” than hers, because she had 18 years of memories with her son, and I had none with the twins.
When you lose a loved one, you grieve for what was. When you lose a baby, you grieve for the future that will never be.