Soundwaves Perinatal Bereavement Support

Bereavement Support For Parents Grieving the Loss of a Baby During or Just After Pregnancy

“Move On With Your Life” January 7, 2009

How many times did I hear those words in the first years after the twins died? Well meaning people, my parents in particular, didn’t want to see me in so much pain. I don’t blame them. But their words hurt. I knew I would never “move on” from the memory of my children, who I held inside of me and desperately loved and anticipated for six months. My attachment to them started far before that- my husband and I had been trying to conceive  for four years, and I had had one miscarriage prior to conceiving the twins. 

Ten years later my intense grief has subsided and my memories of them are now bittersweet. But moving on was never a possibility.

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2 Responses to ““Move On With Your Life””

  1. Angel Trapani Says:

    I don’t know how people can say , “you need to just move on”, “aren’t you over it yet”, “well it must be the baby bules thats making you so sad”. What are you suppose to say to comments like these? It’s so painful to hear and yet thats what my own family has been saying, my husband’s family has been much more understanding. We had our beautiful baby girl Anastasia on 2/2/09 for two amazing, and awful days, sadly she passed on 2/4/09. She was born early at 24 weeks and 3 days due to pereclampsia and Lupus Anticoagulant (which hasn’t been confrimed yet, we have a test in May). She was our very first child, she was perfect when she was born, ten toes, ten fingers, she even cryied when they pulled her out. She was all of 15 oz. 10 1/2″, but we were in love with her from the min. we found out I was pregnant. But her little lungs just weren’t developed enough, it still kills me to think about it. I just feel so alone, so sad, so very sad.

    • bubbaandbutch Says:

      I think people (family in particular) have trouble seeing us in so much pain. They want us to get over our agony as quickly as possible because they can’t bear to see us suffering. That is understandable. But what they don’t understand is that when you are grieving the loss of a baby (especially if they have never experienced it themselves), it takes a long, long time to start to feel better, even to feel normal. You just lost your beautiful daughter- and with her a piece of your heart. It will take time to mend that hole in your heart. Don’t be hard on yourself. Take your time with your grief, knowing that you will “feel better” in time, and that your daughter will always be a special part of your life. Also know that you are not alone. If you haven’t checked it out already, I recommend the chat room at http://www.hygeiafoundation.org. There are a lot of compassionate people there you can talk to who have experienced the same tragic loss of a baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
      Claudia


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