Soundwaves Perinatal Bereavement Support

Bereavement Support For Parents Grieving the Loss of a Baby During or Just After Pregnancy

What To Say February 2, 2009

Filed under: Bereavement Support,miscarriage,Stillbirth — Claudia @ 4:34 pm

Often, friends and family are at a loss about what to say to someone whose baby has died, especially when a stillbirth or miscarriage occurs. Many times we hear “don’t worry- you’ll have another,” as if that will ease our pain. Those same people would never dream of saying those same words to someone who lost a grandmother, cousin, brother or father. Can you imagine…”Don’t worry, you have another”??

I have found that reacting calmly is the best way to cope in these situations, although thoughts of throwing a shoe at the offending party comes to mind (although I don’t recommend it!).  I explain to them that nothing- no new baby, no matter how loved or wanted, will ever replace the ones I lost. They are forever in my heart and a part of me that can’t and won’t ever be replaced.

I would like to recommend an article written by Claudia Kalb for Newsweek Magazine about momento mori photographing  with “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.” It is a touching and sensitive article about the “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” photographers who volunteer their time taking pictures of babies born still. You can find it at