Often, friends and family are at a loss about what to say to someone whose baby has died, especially when a stillbirth or miscarriage occurs. Many times we hear “don’t worry- you’ll have another,” as if that will ease our pain. Those same people would never dream of saying those same words to someone who lost a grandmother, cousin, brother or father. Can you imagine…”Don’t worry, you have another”??
I have found that reacting calmly is the best way to cope in these situations, although thoughts of throwing a shoe at the offending party comes to mind (although I don’t recommend it!). I explain to them that nothing- no new baby, no matter how loved or wanted, will ever replace the ones I lost. They are forever in my heart and a part of me that can’t and won’t ever be replaced.
I would like to recommend an article written by Claudia Kalb for Newsweek Magazine about momento mori photographing with “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.” It is a touching and sensitive article about the “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” photographers who volunteer their time taking pictures of babies born still. You can find it at http://www.newsweek.com/id/182572/page/1.